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Back of the Grid Banter Wars

  • Campos Meta's Savoir-faire

    After my two dear colleagues here at F1-fans have both come out with what can only be described as the ramblings and wild aspirations of two deluded minds. I felt it only fair to point out too them just why their teams are going to fail miserably this season and why Campos will emerge as the best new team in F1.

    You see what Campos are doing is using their brains and a little bit of intelligence to put them ahead of the competition. I like to think of it as the teams ‘savoir-faire’ – its genius when you stop to think about it really. 

    Firstly I’d like to refute these wild accusations that Campos is lacking money and will not even make the start of the season. It’s nothing but a clever tactic by the team to give Virgin and Lotus false hope and lull them into a sense of over confidence. So lets look at my ‘competition’ as it were. I like to think of them more as amusing diversions.  

    Firstly Richard’s Air ‘Lotus’ Asia is a team gripped in panic at the moment. They join F1, think oh god quick get someone we’ve heard of and in their desperation sign Trulli & Kovalainen! I mean what are they thinking? Villeneuve and Coulthard would have been a far better option any day. Trulli’s mediocre career ended when Renault dropped him and sorry to burst your bubble Richard, but the only cars his ‘Train’ will be holding up are the leaders when they lap him. Kovalainen, well the only flying that Finn will be doing is backwards, I mean he was dropped by McLaren cos he’s rubbish – there’s a clue for ya! Lotus you clearly didn’t stop to think it through.

    Meanwhile the other deluded nincompoop in all this comes in the form of Jon and his pathetic Virgin team. Branson will probably get bored half way through the season and sell the team to some guy from Botswana, while he goes onto build robotic cities that walk – I mean he’s got the money and time to waste on it hasn’t he! That coupled with the attention span of a goldfish (Brawn GP last year) means Virgin is no threat.

    Now if Jon hadn’t noticed in his peculiar obsession with a Virgin, all the new teams here have the same engines this season, the Cosworth CA2010, which means it’s down to the chassis and the drivers. Now I admit Glock is a solid driver, he could be a problem, but his teammate Di Grassi will cancel that out by being the latest graduate of Renault’s oh so successful driver program - Kovalainen, Piquet, Grosjean – 'nuff said.

    So to the chassis, Campos using their intelligence here are developing their car with new innovative 21st century technology called CFD, the latest in computer design software. While Lotus and Virgin use a combination of MDF, glue, airfix models and several asthmatic squirrels in their attempts – great job fella’s.

    I’m not really concerned with USF1 to be honest, as I’m sure they’ll be amazingly fast in a straight line, but when they meet something called ‘a corner’ they may have some fundamental issues!

    So clearly it can be seen that by using intelligence, smart tactics, cunning and time to put the building blocks of success into place, Campos will emerge unquestionably the best. I will enjoy a new s hirt and the men in white coats will collect my deluded companions in good order. Now whose for tea and cake?

    In Jest,
    Campos Lloyd

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  • Richard's avatar
    8:21pm Sat, 30th January 2010

    Defence by attack. I suppose you had no other option, Adrian is keeping schtum about.... oh everything.

    Crunch time Monday, I hear if Adrian hasn't come up with a miracle money spinning plan the Campos dream may be over. In jest or not I don't wish that on Adrian Campos, the team, or Bruno Senna.

    Good luck :)

  • Jon Bellwood's avatar
    Jon Bellwood
    7:16pm Sun, 31st January 2010

    At least we can afford glue and asthmatic squirrels, you are going to have a hard time fielding a glorified box on wheels this year! I hear Simtek will let you have their 90's designs cheap?

    I do hope you make the grid but it's not looking great!