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Back of the Grid Banter Wars

  • Lotus will leave 'em for dead

    What planet is he on? That Virgin Jon with his operation win fairy tale. Poppycock. There's only one team that's going to cause any upsets this year, and that's the mighty Lotus.

    Steeped in history, awash with experience and up to our necks in Mike - the rottweiler - Gascoyne's wrath, we are the only 'new' team that has what it takes. Simple.

    Let there be facts. The partnership of Jarno Trulli and Heikki Kovalainen is quite simply one of, if not the best on the grid. Period. .. ... well maybe Hamilton and Button aren't too shabby, oh and Alonso/Massa, but other than that, we're the best bar none. Ah, there is that German fella, and the pairing at Blue Cow or whatever they're called. Yeah, bar any of them we're easily the best. Fact.

    Jarno will do his stuff qualifying, easily up there with the likes of... oh... Adrian Sutil, and then deploy the most ingenious of devices, the tried and tested Trulli Train. Heikki Koveloven can sit a couple of rows behind, conserving tyres, leaving the young whippersnappers like Barrichello and de la Rosa to try all they can to get past - it's futile anyone should know that by now - and turn on the Heikmeister when the track road opens up. Sorted.

    What's Jon got? Glock, and di Grassi, ooo shaking in my boots :) Timo, bless him, has had two years alongside His-Trulli-ness, and never got within a spitting distance of the Italian maestro. Di Grassi, rookie, why? Clue's in the name. Futile.

    Still not convinced? Well the jackpot sits here. We're using a wind tunnel. Remember McLaren early last year, they were rubbish because Big Ron forgot to carry the one in his CFD calculations - if Big Ron is dapper enough to stomp all over a certain auto manufacturer, controlling their entry and exit from the team on more than favourable terms, steal their world champion and walk away with engines for another 5 years, a slouch is something he definitely isn't. So what hope has beardy Branson and an ex-butcher from Sheffield got? Oh and cough*SIMTEK*cough. None.

    Just taking a look over my other shoulder towards Campos Lloyd... nothing. Bit like the team then. OK humour me for a second, assume they make it to Bahrain, one word (linked), Dallara. I'm not worried :)

    So as you can see it's shaping up nicely for the boys in Norfolk, now's just the little task of finishing the car in time, testing, and getting everything out to the desert. Operation WIN, yeah, Lotus WIN. Simples.

    In jest,
    Lotus Richard

Tagged with...
  • Banter Wars
  • Lotus
  • Jarno Trulli
  • Heikki Kovalainen
  • 2010 Season
  • (won't be published)
  • What color is Ferrari?
  • Jon Bellwood's avatar
    Jon Bellwood
    9:33pm Tue, 26th January 2010

    Koveloven? The only think he's gonna be lovin' is that the grid girls are still attractive right at the back!

  • Lloyd Watts's avatar
    Lloyd Watts
    10:45pm Tue, 26th January 2010

    The only good thing Trulli can do this season is admit his career is over and retire, go back to making his cheap wine in Italy.

  • Jon Bellwood's avatar
    Jon Bellwood
    11:08pm Tue, 26th January 2010

    I have to disagree there Lloyd, the wine is expensive, the rest is spot on though ;)

  • Fat Roland's avatar
    Fat Roland
    11:17pm Tue, 26th January 2010

    Bring back Lola F1's team! Ah the golden days. Well... day.

  • Jon Bellwood's avatar
    Jon Bellwood
    2:53pm Wed, 27th January 2010

    On the subject of Lola, and because everyone likes to brag, I got to sit in an '87 Lola in Adelaide, Australia that was in original spec for Historic F1 things!

    I would have been comfortable for precisely one corner I reckon!